Recently I encouraged my boys to dust their display shelves and get rid of anything that no longer felt important to them. Each of them gave me a pile of figurines, eraser collections, and tchotchtkes that no longer float their boats. But, do you think I could make a decision about what to do with these piles? Nope. None of them were valuable or useful to me. The kids had discarded them. The temptation to keep them “just because” was so strong.
Finding things difficult to throw away once they’ve arrived in our homes is understandable. The cognitive distortion of the endowment effect is real and impacts all of us. The idea that something we own is more valuable to us than it is to others is powerful unless you recognise when it pops into your mind. In addition, when we hold strong values about avoiding wastefulness and making-do it can feel almost impossible to open the bin and drop the items in.
I’ve often suggested to clients with clutter at extreme levels that they might find it beneficial to use a cognitive strategy and put a moratorium, embargo, or ban on feelings of shame and guilt that arise when they consider throwing away things that “are still good”, “could be useful to someone”, or “not ready for the trash”. Recently, a new client gave me the perfect analogy to explain this technique of the “no-judgement zone” and it’s the declaration of an amnesty.
You’ve probably heard of amnesties for guns, right? If you surrender your illegal guns you will not be charged with an offence. This might be anathema to those of you from the USA, but in Australia and NZ we occasionally conduct amnesties for guns to get them out of circulation and lower firearm related crime.
How might this be useful when clearing your clutter?
Dr Jan Eppingstall
-stuffologist-
If you live alone this thought technique can be quite easily used, with some boundaries:
If you live with others some additional guidelines will help to avoid conflict (as much as possible):
Once the home is a) safe, b) comfortable c) equilibrium is reached, the burden of proof rests on the incoming not the outgoing. Meaning, the items that we want to bring into our lives need to justify their place. Those items leaving your environment can be let go without protest until equilibrium is reached. So, what is household equilibrium exactly? It’s something I kinda made up. I define it like this:
Household equilibrium is reached when we have a loose grasp on what we own, and therefore what we need to acquire, to live the life we want.
In order to maintain household equilibrium, everything should be scrutinised for its current usefulness (in the next month), and whether it is a “want” or a “need” before it enters the home. It can be tricky to decide if something is a true need or if it’s something we want because we think it will protect us from uncertainty or help us avoid potential problems that haven’t occurred yet. These types of “needs” are driven by thoughts that are often unhelpful and are usually the result of anxiety. They may seem real and rational to us but following them might go against our overarching plans for living a valued life.
Let me give you an example:
How to quiet the anxiety beast when acquiring
I have foundation that cost me hundreds of dollars which I bought many years ago and used, but didn’t use up. I decide to suspend my feeling of guilt over tossing out these out of date products that no longer suit me in order to create space for products that suit my more mature skin and are suitable for my business. I “need” new makeup. What do I do?
Acting from a place of anxiety:
I see that an OK brand of makeup is on sale at the pharmacy. I think “What if I feel like filming my online course this weekend? I should buy some just in case”. There is no experienced staff to help me pick colour or formulation so I make a best guess… On FIVE separate occasions.
Now, I have five foundations all slightly the wrong colour for my skin, that make me look like a freak on camera, and are wrong for my skin type. AND I still have to go out and buy the right foundation.
Result: The five jars I bought on impulse go to waste in my drawer, reminding me of the selfish consumer I am and represent yet more money I could have saved and put towards my retirement.
In an accepting universe:
I accept the feeling of uncertainty and resist the immediate urge to impulse purchase makeup at the supermarket or pharmacy that might suit my needs because I’m afraid I won’t have it when I “need” it.
I assess what I need to present myself in a polished and professional manner in videos. This assessment involves researching (blog posts, YouTube videos, etc.) to establish what types of foundation work best under lights on camera for mature skin. Then I go to an expert, get samples and test them out at home and on camera. Only then do I buy the foundation that works for me.
Result: The foundation is perfect so I use all of it up, finish it and recycle the packaging. Now that’s a satisfying and sustainable buyer’s cycle.
This example also suggests that spending the time now saves money and time later (not to mention avoiding self-judgement and emotional anguish).
Dr Jan Eppingstall
-stuffologist-
In summation, I want you to consider declaring an amnesty on your discarding guilt. When you've decided this is the time to get serious about your clutter, declare an amnesty on all the negative feelings that surface when you try to throw things out. Draw a line in the sand. You can do this...I'd love to hear from you so comment below with your struggles, successes, and stressors.
Dr Jan <3